Pursuing His Purpose in Every Season
It brought to mind situations from my past that I am only now able to fully appreciate with the clarity and understanding that comes from hindsight and maturity and made me wonder how differently things might have gone had I only exercised more patience or discernment.
An unexpected pregnancy caused me to pretty suddenly hang up my running shoes. I tried to keep going, but after those early few weeks my body just couldn’t manage it any longer and I had to let it go. As my life circumstances changed and things became more complicated in my personal life, I found it harder and harder to quiet the noise in my mind. I was swirling down a drain, circling and circling, but couldn’t find the way back up. The words were gone. And rather than sharing my suffering, I was drowning in it. God felt distant and there was just nothing. So much nothing. I believe this is what the professionals refer to as writer’s block.
This is it. I’m going to die.” With my eyes squeezed tightly and my hands gripping the wheel, I braced my body for impact and repeated that one refrain over and over in my mind. “I’m going to die.” The sickening crunch of metal followed by an explosion that rang like a gunshot muted my screams and as the van spun around and around I waited to feel the final sting of death.
Almost 5 years ago I woke up with a song on my lips. I couldn’t stop singing it. I heard the words in my mind all day until I was compelled to sit and journal. Change my heart oh God, make it ever true, Change my heart oh God, may I be like you… Copyright: Eddie Espinosa, 1982 Mercy/Vineyard Publishing…
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It brought to mind situations from my past that I am only now able to fully appreciate with the clarity and understanding that comes from hindsight and maturity and made me wonder how differently things might have gone had I only exercised more patience or discernment.
